I’m just minding my own business and it starts up. The wondering what he/she thinks. The putting myself down for no real good reason. It’ll show up when I second-guess my parenting, in certain social interactions, and in witnessing my own aging. Ugh. In talking with many of you, I realize this “self-negator” is pretty pervasive in our lives. Though it is unpopular to talk about it. Which, naturally, is why I am compelled to!
Some of our greatest thinkers remind us that we can’t really condemn ourselves into sustained change. Instead, to make transformation last, it has to come from a deep respect and honoring of ourselves. Einstein reminds us that we can’t solve a problem with the same level of consciousness it was created.
So, I began to explore just what this self-negator is all about. Its predominant inspiration: Fear. Seeing this, I initially give myself a mantra of “I’m okay” or “I’m good” (Jack Handy jokes aside). Though its true that I’m “okay”, it just didn’t do the trick for me. I needed a mantra that bypassed the ego’s obsession with good/bad. One that was a deeper and more primitive expression of belonging. Since the on-switch of the self-negator machine is activated by fear, I thought about the antidote. And that led me to begin working with the mantra “I’m safe”. Whenever the negative chatter comes up, I’ve been saying to myself, “I’m safe”. Its simple, but it works. Effective. It can let us relax and open to the present moment with less anxiety.
Like gardening (or our yoga practice), its not “one and done.” With intention, and persistence, my hope is that instead of criticizing ourselves into wholeness, we can encourage a deeper wisdom of not worrying so much about what they think of us, and instead, get out of our own way. The mantra “I’m safe” can lay good rich soil to grow into our best selves— even if the neighbor frowns, the kiddos are at each other, and the bunnies ate your tulips. It lets us open our hearts and receive ourselves with an honest sense of self that doesn’t apologize for who we are, but bold as ever–stands strong in the truth and power of self-acceptance.